when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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