don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
