Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize