Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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