Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
