god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
