i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
