I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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