Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
