i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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