My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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