he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dont even know how to be here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
