i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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