I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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