I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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