so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
