there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at about main and main street
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
