on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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