I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
