Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
