there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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