I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
