I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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