If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
