I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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