This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
