Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
