i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
