Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
