did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
