Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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