Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
