Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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