I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
