If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
