I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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