giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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