You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
