Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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