I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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