lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We are two peas in an std pod
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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