we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
