so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
