Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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