I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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