if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
