smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
