i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
