What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
