fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
