If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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