You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
