New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
