Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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