I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
