I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize