i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
