He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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