moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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