Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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