I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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