I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Still dying that you shit outside
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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