Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
