i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
