Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize