were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
third nipple confirmed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize