need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
