I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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