I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
