we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
