Can i not drive my cunt home
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
