it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
