i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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