we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
