Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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