who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
