My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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