Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
