she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
