True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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