then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
