I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
