I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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