I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
