sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
