You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
