I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
