At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
