maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
