she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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