Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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