Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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