I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
