super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
