do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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