The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
