you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
