I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
