Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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