Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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