god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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