Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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