he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
