I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
