Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The beer is more important than you right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
