He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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