I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
