I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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