Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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