You made me cry and you don't even care
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
