dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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