i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize