you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
